Your tweenager is beginning to understand and use sarcasm and your parenting world just got so much more entertaining. Kids this age are dealing with being foreigners in their own bodies and desperately need to begin wearing deodorant. They know they’re different and changing but they have no clue how to navigate these changes, so you’ll likely see heightened emotions and a fight for independence, just as you did when they were two. Kids begin to see other people their age or other families around them look and act different. They are able to put together the fact that different families have different sets of rules. They begin to compare and wonder why their friend gets a phone/computer/latest gaming system, but they don’t. Their cognitive development allows them to take a more critical approach to the world around them as they become abstract thinkers; hence they begin to truly wrestle with their faith and unlock key understandings of who God is and what difference He makes in their life. 

At this age kids truly claim their faith as their own. Many understand their sin nature separates them from God and they trust Jesus Christ as their Savior. Though they hate the spotlight, baptism can be an important step in their faith journey during this stage. Church is their safe place, their home away from home, and with it, their church friends become their community and support system they’ll walk with for years to come. If you haven’t yet, now is the time to purposefully choose five people that will speak truth into your child on purpose. They will become the cool college or adult friend they call when they need help navigating problems as they get older. 

Your child is wrestling with who the world is telling them they are and their true identity as one loved unconditionally by a holy and awesome God; loved so much so that He sent His Son to the cross for them. Their faith trajectory begins here. Show your child how to grow deep faith roots as you, together as a family, study the Bible, pray out loud and worship with abandon. Don’t expect miracles! If you get a six-minute discussion around the table, you win a prize! Ask your child the following three conversation starting questions as they are a great springboard to open discussion: 1. What are you learning about God? 2. How is God using this to change your life? 3. How might God use you to change your world? Give them a place to ask questions and be approachable. The best help you can give your child is to wrestle with your own faith journey alongside them. Model for them how to go to God in prayer during difficult times. Show them how to love and serve others and involve them in service as much as you can. Tell them when you don’t understand scripture and ask their opinion. Value them! Approach each challenge they face under the framework of exploring how God created them specifically and individually for His glory.

Your kids are beginning to excel in certain areas of their life – academics, sports, music, etc. – and begin to work out their spiritual gifts while using these God-given talents (i.e. humility and grace on the ballfield, dancing to the glory of God, leading prayer before a difficult test). Help them feel at home at church by encouraging them to participate in short-term missions or serve as classroom helpers in the preschool area. They will love being the rockstar to a group of three-year-olds! Church is more fun with friends and kids just want an invitation, so encourage your child to bring friends during Sunday or midweek programming. Help them develop their own testimony and gain comfort in sharing it by asking questions and modeling this yourself.

Parenting just got a whole lot easier. And then it didn’t. Welcome to the tween years. When your kids were little you had to remain ever vigilant to be certain they were safe and made wise choices. Now, you’re moving from a physical presence in your child’s life to a more emotional support system. Hopefully, you’ve done the diligence through the years to establish yourself as the authority in the relationship, one filled with wisdom, grace, mercy and love. Be encouraged, it’s never too late to begin this process! You’re still parenting very hard but at this age you begin to see the glimmer of the emerging friendship you’ll have with your future adult child. Help your child know that though they are changing you love them unconditionally and our holy and unchanging God loves them even more than you do. Be the driver! Offer to take your child and their friends everywhere. This will help you hear all the information about them and their friends without seeming to pry. Even though they act like they don’t care, your presence and support is vitally important to them. Be their biggest fan, enjoy spending time with them by planning “spontaneous” events to grab a movie or ice cream. Rather than offering a quick fix to problems, guide your child through problem solving with open-ended questions that help them trust God through every problem. Help your child understand how to navigate comparison and personal differences by consistently reminding them who they are in Christ and how each family operates differently with a different set of rules. Help them understand that while biblical truths remain solid, personal conviction may play out differently in other families. Above all, never let them see you panic or overreact. Wipe your face of shocked emotion and tell them you love them and you’re on their side no matter the outcome. Respond to failure with love. You’re raising adults and what matters most is the person you’re helping them become. 

Using a story from the Bible like Noah’s Ark, your child will begin to make connections between your love for them, as well as God’s love for them.

Our analytical Fix kids have all the questions – What was it like for Noah building the ark? How did people treat him? How did all the animals get there? Did the birds fly around and nest there or stay inside? What do you mean it had never rained before? What did they eat while on the boat for so long? Why did Noah open the door but not step out of the ark when they finally docked on dry land?  

Trusting the Lord as Savior and stepping out in obedience through baptism is common for children this age. Biblical community roots grow deep and choosing to spend time with their friends at church becomes incredibly important. You can easily expect your child to participate in a weekly family discipleship model and regularly attend main campus service with your family, but continue to encourage them to build community by attending programming designed for their age. 

"Hear this good news: because faith development is a lifelong process for all of us, it is never too late to be more intentional in your parenting and the faith you model and discuss with your kids."

-Sticky Faith p 26 – Kara E. Powell, Chap Clark